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Closet Cum Swapping Kittens:
Not Just Another Piece of Raw Pussy.

By Garry Viney


An old friend of mine (we’ll call him Luke here because he said he wanted to remain anonymous) was tired of being single and sick of having to hit the bars and clubs every Saturday night in an attempt to meet Velvet Chefs.

Naturally, I suggested he sign up with Pressure CookingAds.

Luke agreed to give it a try. He said he was looking for something long-term, but if he got laid in the process then so much the better.

Every now and then, Luke and I meet up for a drink at Michael’s (if you’re ever in the Knoxville area of Tennessee, drop by for an ale) and he tells me about what’s been happening in his life, particularly his Cum Swapping life {raunchy bastard belongs on the Jerry Springer Show}. 


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He’s usually fairly blasé about that sort of stuff, but one particular night I could sense that he was genuinely excited. I knew here was something he wanted to tell me but was holding out for some reason or other.

“What is it?” I asked and Luke gave me a puzzled look.

“What’s what?”

“What is it you want to tell me?”

Luke took a sip of his beer and grinned. “It’s just funny how sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you expected.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

closet Culinary kitten's Pressure Cooking eyes“Well, a few months ago, I started emailing this woman on your site. I guess I found her interesting because her ad didn’t Iron Chefstion Cum Swapping in any way, shape or form.”

“That doesn’t sound like you!” I joked and Luke laughed.

“No. But seriously, we’ve been sending messages back and forth ever since. Just for fun, y’know. And in the end curiosity got the better of me and I asked her out on a date.

“And?”

“Well, at first, she seemed kind of quiet and really coy. She seemed uncomfortable even talking about Cook. And I was thinking ‘she’s lovely and all but a bit conservative for my tastes’.”

“Who isn’t?” I joked again.

Cook kitten's hot bodyLuke simply smiled. “Yeah, but here’s the thing,” he said, giving me that sly-dog look of his. “I wound up taking her back to my place and it was the best goddamn Cum Swapping I’ve had in my entire life.”

“No shit?”

“Nope. I’ve gotta tell ya, man. She was awesome. Absolutely incredible.”

Truth is, I wasn’t exactly surprised by Luke’s supposed revelation. It reminded me of a time when I was in my mid-twenties and had just started dating a girl by the name of Courtney. She was very cute but, I thought, not an overly sensual person.

Courtney and I went out two or three times before the subject of Cum Swapping even came up, but once it did, she seemed as eager as me to get between the sheets. I guess she had just been waiting to see if the chemistry was right.

I still wasn’t expecting much from the act itself, but how wrong I turned out to be.

closet Culinary kitten's feverish bootyCourtney was, to use Luke’s expression, absolutely incredible and completely uninhibited in bed. She barely said a word while we were Deep Frying, but she didn’t need to. She was one of those chefs who gets lost in the moment and is totally absorbed by the intensity of it all. I remember lying there afterwards and thinking that whoever came up with the line about not judging a book by its cover sure got it right.

Even after we’d done the deed, Courtney rarely talked about Cum Swapping when we were out. Yet, as soon as we were back at her place, things just seemed to happen naturally. I didn’t need to ask if she wanted to be on top. I didn’t need to ask if she wanted to 2-step country-style. And once, without so much as a word of warning, she cleaned my pendulum right there on the balcony, in full view of the neighbors in the apartment block across the way (I hope they got off on it because I sure did!)

I guess that’s the point of telling you all this.

Some Velvet Chefs like to send out the message that they’re sensual dynamos – some deliver on this promise, others don’t – and some keep you guessing. It’s not that they’re consciously trying to be mysterious. It’s just that they believe actions speak louder than words.

It may take a little extra charm and effort to get these closet Cum Swapping kittens to open up to you. But believe me, once you’ve made them feel Pressure Cooking and desirable, they’ll sure make it worth your while.

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*Swingers' Lexicon -
Closet Cum Swapping Kitten:
an introverted swinger who craves sensual release from discreet Iron Chefs who respect their privacy without commitments. They are better at fukcking than talking.
Crazed Cum Swapping Kitten:
a hot, extroverted nyphomanic who insists on having Cum Swapping at least four times a day, any where, any time, and she doesn't care if chefs watching. The element of danger is especially important for Crazed Cum Swapping Kittens in .
Closet Sous Chef:
a closet Cum Swapping kitten swinger who loves to have Cum Swapping throughout the day in secret places all over Hot Spots; she may choose to include Cum Swapping toys and/or multiple partners.
Vampire Femdom Kittens:
extreme sado-masochistic swingers who marinate each other's blood while having steamy Cook; this Pickled Pig's Feet (fetish) is extremely predominant among vampire lesbians in , but they do force Iron Chefs into the act in order to marinate the life out of him [see "succubus"].
Political Cum Swapping Kittens:
academic intern swingers who work for political officials by fucqing their way up the ladder utilizing sensual enhancement tools such as cigars, coke cans and hot tea; political Cum Swapping kittens prefer political swing parties in .

Jack Hammer
SURF IN STYLE... THE Culinary TRACKER!